Imagine walking into a room with walls filled with your child’s drawings and scribbles. Or seeing your vanity table with your makeup all over the place and lipstick smeared on their face. Moments like this might have all your rage and fury running through your nerves. But, no. As a parent, we always try our best to reframe so that we can communicate with our children in an effective and respectful manner. However, the art of reframing isn’t something that comes very easy, along with choosing all the right words to say to our children. If you’re not mindful, a few careless words can be extremely detrimental to a child’s morale. So what are the things that you should say and never say to your kids?
“You are such a disappointment”
Kids will always make a mess and that’s expected. It’s part of growing up. The most important thing is that children learn from their mistakes. Talk to your child and let them understand what they did wrong and why it was wrong. Address it with them by brainstorming for solutions together. Whether it’s a mess that they made, a bad grade at school or negative behavior towards their playmate, avoid telling them they are a disappointment. Don’t make them feel that their mistakes define them.
This is often times heard over the breakfast table during a morning rush or when you are running late for an event. However, no matter how quick you want them to move, yelling at them to hurry up will only create additional stress. It will make them feel that you aren’t on the same team. What you can do instead is to turn getting ready into a game or a race. This will make things more fun and less stressful for kids.
“Why can’t you be like..?”
Whether it’s their sibling, cousin or playmate, comparing a child to someone else is a big no-no. It’ll make them feel that they aren’t good enough or that they have to be better because they need to be like someone else. Remember that each and every child is unique. Each one has their own strengths and weaknesses. So instead of comparing them to others, recognize what they’re good at and help them work on the areas they need to improve on.
“Why can’t you do anything right?”
It’s easy to let harsh words out when you’re in the heat of the moment, but you have to be very careful. Your words can leave a permanent dent on your child’s self-esteem. Don’t talk to them as if they haven’t done anything right. Only address the issue at hand and never bring back past mistakes.
Young kids accidentally hurt themselves every now and then. When they get a scratch on the knee or a cut on the elbow, we tend to reassure them that they’re going to be fine. While your intentions may be good and you only want them to feel better, this isn’t the best way to do it. Children cry because they got hurt and telling them they’re okay might just do more harm than good. As a parent, your role is to be with them and guide them as they process their emotions. Acknowledge how they feel, give them a compliment for being brave and ask them anything they want to make them feel a little better.
“We can’t afford to buy that”
When your child points at the latest toy at the mall with a hefty price tag and you know you can’t afford it, the tendency is to tell them “we can’t afford to buy that” outright. Saying this might not convey the right message. It could either make them confused that you make other expensive purchases besides their toys or it’ll make them think that you’re not on top of your finances. Look for a better way to let them understand why they can’t have the toy they want at the moment.
The things that we tell our children can create a huge impact on their overall growth and development. Make sure they grow up with loving, assuring and encouraging words that shape them in becoming better and successful individuals in the future.
Because you want your little one to be in a healthy environment with love and friendship, be sure to send them to the school that offers the best childcare they deserve. Please contact Cornerstone Learning Center for more information.